I've been sleeping too much lately.
I've just been more tired than usual. or maybe it's more lazy....

yesterday was a pretty bad day. I had high hopes for it, too, and it started off well. but by the afternoon it was pretty much ruined. I know sometimes I can be over-sensitive, but when I get bad vibes off of people it can really tick me off. like when I feel that someone doesn't like me when they have no reason not to. actually it's more hurtful than angering. I don't know, since I've moved here I feel like I possess zero charisma. not that I'm disliked or ignored necessarily, but no one wants to talk to me or get to know me. I feel like I walk into a room, and everyone in it could care less.

I guess it's being in a new place and not really knowing anyone, but lately I've been pretty down on myself. I know that doesn't add to my approachability at all, but I can't help it. and I thought that going to King's would be a fresh start, a chance to feel good about school again. but it's not so fun and my grades aren't so good. no matter how hard I try I can't do what they want. and it's even worse than when I got low marks at mun because this is supposed to be my JOB. this is the only thing I've ever wanted to do and the only thing I've ever had a chance to be good at. so if I'm not good at this...what am I supposed to do? I'm not good at anything else. I don't have a thing. I'm not smart enough for most jobs, and not talented enough for others.
what if I end up being one of those arts majors who works at wal-mart forever?
I just don't understand. I thought everybody was good at something. everyone is "special". isn't that what they tell you?
what the HELL am I supposed to be doing with my life?!
more than anything else in the world, I wish I could be good at something.

on top of all that, I haven't been feeling so hot about my looks either. I know all girls feel this way sometimes. but usually clothes fixes it for me, haha. lately I just feel so plain and dull. it'll pass, I know. I always wondered what it'd be like to wake up and know you were beautiful, you know...like, to look in the mirror and be Heidi Klum or something. I wonder if people like that feel good about themselves, or if they feel plain sometimes too.

sigh. I'm sorry I'm wallowing in self pity a little. but last night made things a little better; at least, it made me forget about my blues. Brandon and I went downtown to the red stag and listened to some local guy play. we actually went for Cory Tetford, but for the second time, he was not there. but this guy was pretty good too. and the potato wedges were tasty.
then we saw Whip It. it was a great movie, really fun to watch. Ellen Page is too cute. and super talented (jealous). I hope I run into her here in Halifax. maybe we can be friends. and she can take me to premiers that are far far away. then I'd have charisma by association.

outfits! I have yesterday's and today's.

my tights don't look burgundy at all!
well, they are.
the dress is from h&m, and has pockets! my new favourite dress feature.
tee is smart set- they have the comfiest, long t-shirts. 

I loved this lush top when I bought it, but now I find myself always searching for ways to make it look cooler. maybe I'm just tired of it.
but I am definitely not tired of this awesome pencil skirt from charlotte russe; it's super stretchy, so it just slips right on.
and the cardigan is new, from...modcloth. *blush* 
belt from smart set.

now back to watching Corner Gas and creepin' on weardrobe members.
such simple pleasures...
tomorrow will be great.

1 comment:

Beth said...

I just started reading your blog and i love it! I love that you're from Canada (so am I), and i love you sense of style. I also wanted to say that i can relate to your feelings of being lonely and not having much of a connection with your classmates. I started college with the same assumptions you did and I felt the same way you did (in the post). I hope things got better for you. I guess i'll find out as i continue reading your blog!